Fate So Beautifully

A lot of people question as to whether or not our lives are predetermined. That whatever happens is the course of fate. Everything happens because it was supposed to.

But if you think about it, that may seem impossible. How are our lives predetermined if the future hasn't happened yet? Is it all part of the religious backgrounds in believing that an almighty God up above is the one who determines our lives?

A lot say we have the power to change our own futures. From deciding to go to the movies instead of the arcade, to changing jobs.

Sometimes fate, if you believe in it, can be undoubtedly cruel. Why? Why does it have to be cruel?

Because sometimes, life sucks. Life can be unfair.

On the other hand, there are times that fate is a good thing. And you might think it was fate that brought you to whatever you feel happy to have found.

Saisho ni mitsumeta ano toki kaze no kaori ga shita
Natsukashii egao
Fushigi na chikara ni yobarete meguriaeta imi ni
Kidzuite hayaku hiroi sora no shita zutto sagashiteta
Atsui anata no hitomi wo

I learned something interesting recently. Good ol' Pheebs, she taught me something interesting. A particular Japanese phrase that may take you three or four times to actually say it right.

Unmei wa utsukushiku. It translates to "Fate so beautifully". A beautiful fate.

Some people do ask me, the people I meet and the friends I make, they ask me that kind of question, if in my life there was some kind of beautiful fate.

I always gave the same answer.

"Yes, there was. It was the day I met my husband."

Kono unmei wa utsukushiku
Watashi no namida wo kagayakaseru kara
Donna omoide ga hikitomete mo
Mou nido to furimukanai sonna ki ga shita
And it was. It really was.

I remember it like it was yesterday. Even though now it was twenty-two years ago.

I was three years old, it was my first day of preschool. My then-terrible parents were oggling over Olga while she was playing the piano. I of course was neglected and ignored, and ended up having to go the preschool myself in the rain. On the way I not only got wet and splashed with mud, but a vicious dog stole my lunchbox.

By the time I got there, I was wet, dirty, and miserable.

But then the rain stopped. Which was weird considering it was still falling, just not on me. I looked and came to see the sweet, brightly smiling face of the one boy I fell in love with at first sight. It was why I wore my pink bow all of the time. He just said hi to me and that he liked my bow, because it was pink like my pants.

Long story short, I was in love.

Anata ni nobashita yubisaki fukai yami no iro ni
Somerarete yuku no
Tsumetai arashi ni mezameru tooi yume ga itsuka
Honto ni natte mo
Eranda subete wo shinjiru koto ga
Asu wo kaeteku chikara ne

Even to this day, I still hate to say it, but I avoided it like the plague. I treated him like dirt throughout our childhood. I was the schoolyard bully, playing the simple game of "get them before they get me". It was all just to protect myself of my own insecurities. I kept my love a secret, even going to the extremes of protecting it when it was in jeopardy of being found out, such as a parrot reciting one of my many love poems in his name, a little pink book filled with love poems to him, a love confession phone message, and my locket with his photo inside, as well as an inscription. Basically, all of which containing evidence that I loved him.

Despite my treatment, I loved him so much. I never stopped. It only intensified by that point. And yet I proved it with tripping him, splashing him with water from a drinking fountain, tripped him, spitballs, childish pranks, and name calling.

And there were some occasional moments that I was nice to him, and we'd end up getting along well.

Still, I kick myself for having been such a bitch. Not that I knew that word back then, mind you.

I did finally tell him that I loved him. It wasn't the best time to do that, and yet in a way it was, because at least it would make sense as to why I did what I did. Long story short, he found out I was helping him save the neighbourhood from being torn down by Future Tech Industries, and wanted to know why I did. After some lame excuses, I cracked and told him that I loved him.

Afterward, we pretty much pretend it never happened and took it back, attributing it as the heat of the moment. Looking back, I guess it was a good thing we did that. So I acted like I hated him for a while, but even I knew that he knew that I loved him. Once more, I avoided it. We went back to our functional (or disfunctional, rather) lives.

But what had happened never stopped looming over us. There was always that cloud of uncertainty and wonder. After all, he never gave me a straight answer as to how HE felt. Maybe for a while at first, I figured he didn't like me at all, but was too nice to say so.

Of course, when I thought about it more and realized the situation, not to mention the fact that he was letting me take it back, I realized that he really did want to think about it before giving me an answer. It really did go to show that he did like me, at least in a way, right? So, he was thinking about it, and I didn't know how he felt.

Kono unmei wa uruwashiku
Watashi no suhada wo kagayakaseru kara
Donna kanashimi ga oshiyosete mo
Mou nido to kizu tsukanai anata ga ireba

But then I got my answer. In the strangest place possible. In the middle of the jungle in San Lorenzo. The class had won a trip thanks to my beloved's winning essay, and he had gone to find his parents. Naturally, I helped him along. When it was all over, he pulled me aside and wanted to know the truth again.

I couldn't hide it, the cat was already long out of the bag, and everything I'd done for him there just went to prove it more. As dense as he was, he knew that what I did could only constitute as love. So there, I said it to him.

He said he loved me too.

I didn't believe it at first, figuring it was just me hallucinating or dreaming. And then he kissed me. To prove he was telling the truth, it was not a crazy dream.

It was such a beautiful fate. Unmei wa utsukushiku.

Fate so beautifully.

Kono unmei wa utsukushiku
Watashi no namida wo kagayakaseru kara
Donna kanashimi ga oshiyosete mo
Mou nido to kizu tsukanai anata ga ireba
Anata ga ireba anata ga ireba

Another long story short, we dated for five years after that. Then broke up, due to stormy times, and also, pretty much, because he was moving off with his family. To travel around, see the world. So he was gone for a couple of years, which had of course been just about the worst. But at the same time, as he said, it gave us time to think about it all, and to patch things up ourselves before we patched things up together. I guess, looking back, we did need that separation and break up, you know?

It wasn't easy. And I sure didn't realize just how hard it was on him too. As bright and optimistic, sweet, kind and wonderful that he is, he had a hard time too. I didn't think it would be, I figured I was just going to be his first serious girlfriend and that was it. Gone, just gone. He'd move on no problem. He'd bounce back happily into being single. Being able to pick up pretty girls and see what else was out there. Hell, I was sure he had a gorgeous bimbo back in Europe or Africa or something, waiting for him. Okay, kind of harsh, I know, but hey, can you blame me?

He came back a couple of years later, to finish his senior year in high school with the rest of us. It wasn't long before we became friends, and eventually, we did get back together.

And we have been together ever since.

We got married after we graduated from college, because hey, five years together as children, a hard-time separation break up, and then back together another five years, that's a total of being together for ten years, not including when we've been broken up or married, is a long time. Let's just say at that point, we didn't want anyone else. He didn't want me to get away, and I wasn't about to let some other woman get him. Mine!

Even today I still say he's mine. Wow, old habits die hard.

We did hit a lot of hard times, before, during, and after our courtships. But now, we're ready to face anything together as a couple. I love him, and he loves me too. My sweet darling football head. Our marriage and union for so long had been a wild dream, but I knew full well that it was reality. Here and now, it's real. All I can say is that my life is great. Really great. Hell, there isn't even a word big enough to describe it.

And to think it all started because of one beautiful moment, when we first met.

Unmei wa utsukushiku. Fate so beautifully.