Parody Time

"I am breaking up with you, Helga." Said Arnold in a dramatic way.

"But why?.!" Helga cries.

"Because I don't want you anymore. You're too complex and a bitch. I need a girl who's bland, uninteresting, beautiful, and just super easy to be with. In fact, I am in love with that girl right now. Her name is Camilla Masterson...otherwise known as Generic Gorgeous Bombshell Babe #56651810." Arnold grins.

"But you never even MET the girl!" Helga wails.

"I'm in love with her! She's beautiful! That means she's perfect for me!" Arnold dances off. "Bye bye, BITCH!"

"Nooooooooo! Why?" Helga cries into the night. "Oh Arnold I hate and love you now! Screw you!"

Helga runs home and cries. Phoebe comforts her before running off with horny Gerald!

The next day at school, Arnold is making out and proposing to Camilla, who squeals and accepts before she skips off to go cheat on him, and buy a wedding dress. Helga hates them both!

"Hi Helga." Says Max Peters, or otherwise known as, Generic Gorgeous Hot Hunk #11601300. He is her best guy friend.

"Hi Maxy, I am so sad today!" She rushes into his arms and cries.

"Awww...there there, my poor friend, I will comfort you and woo you into my arms." Max says.

"Oh Max!"

They go on a date, and Helga finds that Max has treated her better than Arnold ever could. After all, he liked her right away and said it, even when she was mean to him.

"I liked you since the beginning, because I am not dense and stupid, even though you were mean to me, I knew it was because you liked me!" Said Max.

"Oh MAXY!" Helga squeals happily. "I love you! But let's not date yet! I want to flirt and love it, but I have to get over the BIG BAD JERKFACE!"

"Sounds great, Helgie-Poo!" Max cries happily.

"Wow! I love that, too! Arnold never calls me that! He just called me sweet names like sweetie and love and Hammerhead!"

"Who cares about him?"

"Exactly!"

"Helga! Take me back!" Arnold suddenly shows up.

"Sorry Arnold, but she hates you and loves me." Max smirks. "You ruined your chances big time, because that's obvious. She is the girl, and therefore the victim. You are the guy, and therefore the jerk who ruins everything and hurts her."

"That's right, shithead!" Helga sneers. "Go die in a hole! You deserve ALL THE PAIN FROM HELL! GO DIE! I HATE YOU!"

And so, Helga and Max got married and had twelve kids. Arnold meanwhile rotted away and died early. He became ugly and fat, no one wanted him, and all the girls hate him. No one remembered him. He died alone. Nobody threw a funeral. That was his lifelong punishment. He went to Hell.

Max and Helga went to Heaven and were together for all their lifetimes because they were meant to be.

XXX

"...What the heck was that?" Helga blinked her eyes, turning to Arnold.

"I don't know, Helga. But it was pretty stupid." Arnold said with a frown. "I would never treat you like that."

"And I wouldn't rush into another man's arms so quickly." Helga shook her head. "So, you want to go get some ice cream?"

Arnold smiled then. "Sure. That sounds like a great idea."

"Your treat! Nothing on the cheap!" Helga smirked playfully.

"Whatever you say, Helga." Arnold grinned and took her hand, leading her toward Slausen's.